Sunday, 27 April 2008

Anyone knows an ant can't

My rubber plant is unwell. I don't know what to do - nor does Google. And Gardener's Question Time is completely out of my league. 

One by one its lower leaves are turning yellow and dropping off.  I'm doing all the right things - plenty of light, watering once a week (always with water, never with petrol) - you're my last hope.

I have in the back of my mind the maxim that one shouldn't trust a doctor whose office plants are dead. 

(A more powerful maxim is that one shouldn't trust a doctor whose receptionist is dead.)

Saturday, 26 April 2008

Gone to Iceland

FACT: London Underground was played last week at Bjork's concert before she came on stage.

FACT: Last time I was at a Bjork concert, I left not long after she came on stage...

Wednesday, 16 April 2008

From the mailbag

Clearing through a massive heap of papers at home I rediscovered my folder labelled 'Lunatics'.

A few years ago, before things took off and CD distribution was handled by - well - professionals, I used to mail them out from home. People would send their cheques, often alongside a breast photocopy/death threat/terrible poem/insane scrawl - and I would file them in the Lunatics folder. In the event that one of them did in fact kill me the police might have something to go on.

I quite like this one: no access to a cheque-book has meant that this correspondent has provided me with Trebor Xtra strong mints and an Argos pen in return for the CD. I'm not quite sure which of us got the better deal with this. 

Sunday, 13 April 2008

Sweets for my sweet

Going extremely well with the luxury bespoke chocolates (see below). The draft box design is now in from the designers.


Saturday, 12 April 2008


Following a number* of requests, we have been looking into the production of limited-edition Amateur Transplants merchandise. Just the usual things – T-shirts, caps, diaphragms, stoma bags, condoms, stoma bag condoms – and of course a range of bespoke luxury chocolates.

We are delighted to present forthwith the list of chocolates featuring in our new brand: ‘A Taste of Adam & Suman’

Strawberry Holocaust
Sputum Cup
Chocolate Disaster
Almond Phylaxis
Banana Reflux
Coconut Residue
Cockroach Crisp
Ebola Surprise
Barium Enigma
Bacon Creme
Oyster Supreme
Coffee Disappointment
Ball-bearing Surprise
Hazelnut Laxative

Available to order from the website soon.

* three


Wow, this is nice!

I'm going to be blogging here from now on instead of my old site - welcome if you've come from there... and welcome if you haven't.

I'll be bringing a few stories over from there, as well as writing new stuff.

Plus we're finishing off the next album (yes I know it's taking time - but once you've heard it you'll wonder understand why).

In my spare time I'm studying for yet more exams; recently I attended a lecture on Brain Surgery... the professor said, without a hint of irony that it's not Rocket Science. Hmm.

Enjoy the new site!
(Have a play with the iDoc music player & order your tickets for the gigs!)

Wednesday, 9 April 2008

And in 79th place...

It has been pointed out to me - thank you - that the Anaesthetist's Hymn has somehow become the 79th most viewed UK YouTube clip of all time.

999,345 of you have given up 1:49 of your lives to watch it. (Or one of you has given up just under three and a half years watching it.) In either case, thank you. In the second case, please see me after class.

We're teasingly close to a million hits on it - now here's your chance to win five Twixes (the largest prize we can award). Email us your screenshot - -  showing you're the millionth hit and win the jackpot. (Make sure the screenshot includes the time on the computer screen - because YouTube will automatically let us know the time we hit the big one.)

Ready... GO!

Monday, 7 April 2008

Brave new world

A new joint blog, a fabulous new website, a mailing list, a whole load new gigs. What a way to start 2008. Well, mid-April 2008.

Over the next few weeks we'll be importing the best bits from our old blogs and writing some brand new words. So watch this space...