Friday, 30 May 2008

Living La Vida Tesco

Between night shifts, I sometimes sleep in the on-call room during the day.

One time I forgot my wash bag; so I nipped out to the nearest supermarket to get some toiletries. I went for the cheapest - after all, they were just to use as a one-off so that I'd be clean & fresh for work later that evening.

Big mistake.

There's a reason it was so cheap.
There's a reason it only cost 70p
(for the lot).

For a start, the shower gel smelt like dying leaves (not in any kind of nice way). Actually, maybe it was more like a wet dog. It was blue-green, sticky and really difficult to wash off. The only thing it had going for it was that it tasted marginally better than the toothpaste.

I have no idea what the toothpaste was meant to taste of. It can't have been mint.

The cardboard packaging was more effective than either toothbrush at getting rid of the taste of both of the above.

And the sight of "Value Razors: £0.27" should've set off alarm bells (in the same way that you'd have second thoughts if you saw a sign advertising "Free Piercing" or "Inexperienced Surgeon").

Stupidly, I let the "Twin Blade Technology" fool me into thinking they might work at all. To get rid of 2 days-worth of chin stubble, I had to use 3 disposable razors.

Disposable. Wish I'd thrown the lot away instead of using any of it...


maybeedeluxe said...

um.... it clearly says "value pack" on the packaging.
I must admit that i'm slightly confused - could anyone please give me a good and reliable description of the word "value"...?
*makes mental note to self, NOT to buy anything with the word "value" on it in the UK* ;)

eeeeeeeeeel said...

Haha, you know today I met a "Dr Joe Oak", I couldn't believe it, I thought he was actually kidding when he introduced himself.

Rachel said...

You were just on radio 1 guys!

Anonymous said...

would one of you update this damn blog?! i'm sick of reading about how cheap suman is.

Anonymous said...

I'm with anonymous- using the blog as a way off avoiding revision is easier if there are new posts!

Anonymous said...

are either of you listening?
i'm in support of anon #1 and #2.

Anonymous said...

Having watched Britain's Got Talent a couple of weeks ago, I think it's safe to say it would be far more entertaining if you too went on next year!

kevg said...

I have been working for Tesco for three weeks now (yes I did get really desperate!) manager a complete fuckwit, hasn't heard that slavery was made illegal 175 years ago!
Got paid today, 3 weeks, 6 days a week, £380.
£380, I was earning more than this 30 years ago!

kevg said...

The words 'value' or 'quality' mean sod all without a quantifier.
Could mean shite quality, or total crap value.

llt said...

Wait till they start producing Tesco Value Anaesthetics!

Alec said...

Not really related but when I was skint and out of work I spent my last £10 buying loads of blue and white stripped tinned products to see me through for the next few weeks.

I then got drunk with my mates round my house and fell asleep to discover in the morning they had comically removed the label from every tin! I was eating tinned peaches for breakfast for a week!!