Sunday, 22 June 2008

So you're:

a) hungry, but too lazy to chew. You want Meat water

b) slightly malevolant, and want to wander round the world turning off TVs. You want TV B Gone.

c) keen to buy cement blocks from an extremely angry man. Here you go.

d) a priest wanting to pep up a sermon. You want to include some of the nuts bits of the Bible.

e) after a hotel room that looks like a cartoon. And here it is.

I think that's everything covered.

Friday, 20 June 2008


I fell asleep reading last night, and stuttered awake about 3am to turn off the light. I was unnerved when I spotted that the bedroom walls and ceiling were caked in a forest of tiny - yet evil - green insects. I presumed I was hallucinating and went off to sleep.

This morning, it would seem that they were in fact very real. For reasons I can't explain they are all dead now. Maybe it was a suicide pact. In case it's still pretty revolting. The entire floor surface of my flat looks like this.

Whilst I'm more than happy to hoover the bastards up today, I can't make this part of my daily routine. Will it happen again? Why my flat? What are they? Will it be a plague of locusts tomorrow?

In other news, Dr Raj Persaud looks like he'll be struck off today for plagiarism. Just a general question - does taking someone's song and changing the words count as plagiarism?

Thursday, 12 June 2008

Merchandise - part 2

Sorry for the delay - there's lots going on. Lots of exciting things that we can tell you about very soon, but we can't tell you just yet.

Anyhow, I can tell you about lanyards. Lanyards are the things that go round your neck to which you attach your ID badge at work. More specifically, I can tell you about Amateur Transplants lanyards.

Following a flippant post about producing some merchandise there seemed to be some genuine interest in buying branded products. We're testing the water with these Paracetamoxy-lanyards.

They're actually really lovely - have a look. Even better, buy a couple - two for a fiver. Amateur Shop.